Thins morning, as in 10 minutes, I am going to support a friend do a half marathon! More power to her because i am not sure if I would be able to do it!! Yea Erin!!
Also there is a possibility that I might be able to go to a Ludacris concert on the 18th. i am super pumped. i am just not sure if my parole officer will let me go, but i am going to sure try!! that would be GREAT!! all i am going to be listening to until then is LUDACRIS! positive thoughts around that situation.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Friday, November 5, 2010
Need to get better at this...
So, I am REALLY going to try hard to journal. I know i say that EVERYTIME but all i need is a little disaplyn and i know that i can do it! Also i ALWAYS feel so much better after a good journal session. I know it is healthy!
So in exactly one week i have invited some friends that i have made over. I am nervous because it isnt just a "normal" hang-out time. i invited 6 people over to tell them my story and where i have come from. So i am kinda excited because these are people that Jenny trusts and i trust Jenny. and with these girls that i have invited over i have gained a frindship with EACH of them. I feel like this whole thing could be good becuase it could be healing for me. So i need to write a note sheet to look at when i am talking to my friends. Because sometimes when i talk i get nervous and forget what i am wanting to say.
The other this that has been on my mind is apartments. By January i am going to be needing an apartment and or a roommate. that scares me. because right now i dont pay rent. so finding an affordable place by then is for sure nerve racking. but i know EVERYTHING is falling into place EXACTLY as it should! So i am trying not to worry too much!
So in exactly one week i have invited some friends that i have made over. I am nervous because it isnt just a "normal" hang-out time. i invited 6 people over to tell them my story and where i have come from. So i am kinda excited because these are people that Jenny trusts and i trust Jenny. and with these girls that i have invited over i have gained a frindship with EACH of them. I feel like this whole thing could be good becuase it could be healing for me. So i need to write a note sheet to look at when i am talking to my friends. Because sometimes when i talk i get nervous and forget what i am wanting to say.
The other this that has been on my mind is apartments. By January i am going to be needing an apartment and or a roommate. that scares me. because right now i dont pay rent. so finding an affordable place by then is for sure nerve racking. but i know EVERYTHING is falling into place EXACTLY as it should! So i am trying not to worry too much!
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Faith...
Hmmm....that is an interesting subject to me. i cant say that i believe in anything. i can say that i believe in myself. this morning i was invited to a friends house and it was a blast there were like 30 people in and out for pancake breakfast. it was fun i got to meet a ton of legit fun people. after wards everyone was kinda going their separate directions mainly to church. i went with jenny, Jessie and Lauren. you know, what could it hurt, i had nothing else to do anyway. so i went. and really it made not believe in this "so called GOD" more. funny huh? but this is how i am feeling. the pastor was talking about, everything you do and everything that happens to you is in GODS pan for you. hmm...okay, look a rape victim in the eye and tell them "God planned that you are going to get raped and get pregnant, oh and go to prison" that is the problem that i have with this God. I'm not trying to complain that going through what i went though has made me the person that i am today, just saying it is a little strange. Sorry GOD...I believe in MYSELF!! In the end that is all i have...ME!
Monday, September 6, 2010
Beauitiful DAY....
The sun is shining, the wind is blowing, life is good! today, i am going to hang out with my favorite Aunt Kim! i am super stoked!!! tomorrow is my grandmas birthday and i wish i could spend it with her but things arent going to work out that way!...bummer...i just have a nice birthday present for her...my graduation pictures!! here they are infact
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Good Morning...
Everyday is a good morning...remember that! there is so much to be thankful for and i cant express that enough. i am at starbucks, checking my email, and appling at a few places. wish me luck that i get a job!
Saturday, September 4, 2010
day with bri
September 3, 2010
So today was simply, AMAZING!! Brianne came to visit me today; we had a blast just enjoying each others company. It was great to see each other and not worry about a time schedule or anything crazy like that. I love the relationship that I have with both Bri and Regan. The things that I can talk to Bri about is amazing, really it is. Some subjects that I would never EVER, bring up with my mom is so easy to talk to Bri and Regan about. This is how a mother daughter relationship should be. That is why I am so thankful for Bri and Regan. I do have someone to talk to about ANYTHING and I feel so comfortable doing so. So if either of you are reading this…THANK YOU!!! It means so much that words can’t express.
It really is amazing to me how, ungrateful “America” has become. I say it as “America” because there are people that go through struggles that realize what life is really about. And by struggles, I’m not talking not having a job, but in my opinion, it is REAL crazy shit. Me, for example, I was in prison. I missed a lot in the 20 months that I was locked up. I missed Christmas, birthday parties, and even sitting at a park watching kids play, dogs barking. A lot of the little things that no one even realizes until it is gone. I talk to a few friends, some older than I, and I realize how much more wisdom I have. MORAL: BE THANKFUL FOR EVERYTHING!
So today was simply, AMAZING!! Brianne came to visit me today; we had a blast just enjoying each others company. It was great to see each other and not worry about a time schedule or anything crazy like that. I love the relationship that I have with both Bri and Regan. The things that I can talk to Bri about is amazing, really it is. Some subjects that I would never EVER, bring up with my mom is so easy to talk to Bri and Regan about. This is how a mother daughter relationship should be. That is why I am so thankful for Bri and Regan. I do have someone to talk to about ANYTHING and I feel so comfortable doing so. So if either of you are reading this…THANK YOU!!! It means so much that words can’t express.
It really is amazing to me how, ungrateful “America” has become. I say it as “America” because there are people that go through struggles that realize what life is really about. And by struggles, I’m not talking not having a job, but in my opinion, it is REAL crazy shit. Me, for example, I was in prison. I missed a lot in the 20 months that I was locked up. I missed Christmas, birthday parties, and even sitting at a park watching kids play, dogs barking. A lot of the little things that no one even realizes until it is gone. I talk to a few friends, some older than I, and I realize how much more wisdom I have. MORAL: BE THANKFUL FOR EVERYTHING!
Friday, September 3, 2010
I am BACK...
September 2, 2010
So today I went and volunteered at a Thrift Store. It wasn’t too bad. I got 5 solid hours of community service. 75 more to go! Alright!!!:) I was supposed to go meet with my counselor but well she kinda blew me off. Hmm…its not the first time that I have been blown off…shows that you cant really depend on anyone. I can only depend on myself and even then I let myself down. Life is weird. There are so many temptations. More than I remember. I have had the urge to get a high feeling. I miss it, it has been over three years and now that I am free it has been so much more tempting. I even thought about having a disgusting cigarette. These are just my thoughts, a way to get things out instead of holding things in. Im really not going to allow myself to do any of these things that would just be suicide.:) Well tomorrow brianne is coming down to chill with me and I am uber excited. Anyway, I should go now, I have a drug test that is calling my name! JOY! J
Affirmations
1. I love myself just the way I am.
2. I am a patient person
3. I am open minded.
Thanks:
1. I am thankful for new opportunities.
2. I am thankful for new friends.I am thankful to be alive.
September 1, 2010
So I haven’t been on in while…but I m back…my life is super crazy right now. Things are slowly calming down. Now recently I have heard that my mom is trying to get in contact with me. So weird because, we do not have a great relationship, and for the past 20 months, we have not been on the best of terms…now that I am out of prison it seems that she is trying really hard to get in contact with me. It is really weird! I don’t understand and it is so confusing to me. She even went as far as contacting my parole officer. And I personally think that is really none of her business to go that far. I almost feel like I am being stalked or something. Why can’t everyone just have a normal life??
Anyway, I am still looking for a job, hopefully one is to come soon!
Affirmations:
1. I am a positive person.
2. I am making the best of my situation.
3. I am a beautiful person.
Thanks:
1. I am thankful to be alive.
2. I am thankful for a new beginning.
3. I am thankful for great friends.
So today I went and volunteered at a Thrift Store. It wasn’t too bad. I got 5 solid hours of community service. 75 more to go! Alright!!!:) I was supposed to go meet with my counselor but well she kinda blew me off. Hmm…its not the first time that I have been blown off…shows that you cant really depend on anyone. I can only depend on myself and even then I let myself down. Life is weird. There are so many temptations. More than I remember. I have had the urge to get a high feeling. I miss it, it has been over three years and now that I am free it has been so much more tempting. I even thought about having a disgusting cigarette. These are just my thoughts, a way to get things out instead of holding things in. Im really not going to allow myself to do any of these things that would just be suicide.:) Well tomorrow brianne is coming down to chill with me and I am uber excited. Anyway, I should go now, I have a drug test that is calling my name! JOY! J
Affirmations
1. I love myself just the way I am.
2. I am a patient person
3. I am open minded.
Thanks:
1. I am thankful for new opportunities.
2. I am thankful for new friends.I am thankful to be alive.
September 1, 2010
So I haven’t been on in while…but I m back…my life is super crazy right now. Things are slowly calming down. Now recently I have heard that my mom is trying to get in contact with me. So weird because, we do not have a great relationship, and for the past 20 months, we have not been on the best of terms…now that I am out of prison it seems that she is trying really hard to get in contact with me. It is really weird! I don’t understand and it is so confusing to me. She even went as far as contacting my parole officer. And I personally think that is really none of her business to go that far. I almost feel like I am being stalked or something. Why can’t everyone just have a normal life??
Anyway, I am still looking for a job, hopefully one is to come soon!
Affirmations:
1. I am a positive person.
2. I am making the best of my situation.
3. I am a beautiful person.
Thanks:
1. I am thankful to be alive.
2. I am thankful for a new beginning.
3. I am thankful for great friends.