Thursday, October 9, 2008
Surprise Party!
So i successfully planed my first SURPRISE party. for my friend lindsay. it was really fun and she was totally surprised. lindsay is one of those girls who is way girly-girly! um so i made her a cake that looked like a purse. she absolutly loved it! i was hoping to have pictures by now but hopefully by next week i will have some and i will explane them as they happened. but the surprise party was very successful. and i am proud of myself. that night i was very happy with myself! for once i did something good and didnt screw up!
My first youth group.
so last night i went to youth group with my friend lacie! it was fun to hang out with other kids my age and meet new ones as well.
i also got to experience some drama between some of the kids. but hey thats what we are ALL about. it was good and i enjoyed it!
i also got to experience some drama between some of the kids. but hey thats what we are ALL about. it was good and i enjoyed it!
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Whats the point?!?!
okay so i just dont even see the point any more?!? i feel like so lonely right now! its like 10 and i dont wanna wake any one with my stupid problems.
okay like i have so many emotions all the time. and at certan times i cant controll them. (like now) why not?!? i hate it! i dont wanna cry, i hate feeling my emotions. i just wanna run away. actually i was thinking about it! like my dad well my sisters dad just got a job in canada. that would be perfect! i am seriously thinking about running away there. cant be any worse than here. at least there i wont wanna kill myself! i will be with my dad. and i dont know.
o and i got a message on the phone that my mom called me...and like what the hell kind of daughter am i that i dont even have enough guts to call her back? how come i am such a wimp that if she says something to me i just cry?!!! i cant stand up for my self?!? jeez!! man like no one is soppose to be affrade of their parents! i am! i dont like her! why cant i be reborn????????
i remember when i was young and thought what it would be like to be 18. well i hate it! it is the worst year ever!! i dont even get to be a seinor in high school!!! that is something that i ALWAYS wanted!!!
gosh like every time i think of my mom i remember how much of a screw up that i am!! ad how much i dissapointed her and how much i tried so hard to not dissapoint her. but here i am the biggest dissapointment in her life!!! what the hell is wrong with me?!?!
was it because she droped me on my head when i was a baby? was it because i grew up without a father?! was it because i hardly had a mom? was it because i had jellousy issues with my sister being loved more? i just dont know! i wish someone was here...i need a hug i think...i dont know what i need and im 18...i lost my childhood..and i just wanna go back to it and enjoy it this time!!
what happened to this happy,fun crazy girl?!?! 
she was robbed of her pride, happiness, innocence, childhood and im a different person now. will she ever be back? i dont know!
she was robbed of her pride, happiness, innocence, childhood and im a different person now. will she ever be back? i dont know!well im going to try to sleep.
Monday, October 6, 2008
Has my Childhood been robbed?!?!
Lately i have been having very strong feelings of killing myself...no one would really believe it because after all that has happened i can go through life and be happy and make others laugh. i am getting scared at the up comming day. i dont even get to see halloween. it makes me mad how people can say i know how you feel but i will be there. yes they will be there but i will be there and they will be with their famlies everyday. they will be able to come home at night and sleep in their own bed. take a shower when they want. make plans for tomorrow and the holidays. the holidays make me mad right now! why do they have to be now?!? i hate it!
i just had to write a paper in school. it was soppose to be like a short story and how you have bonded with someone and their relationship with them. and now after writing that i have so much feeling of HATE towards my mom...because of HER i didnt get to enjoy my childhood!!! i was ROBBED!! i HATE her!!!!
i kinda feel like if i died now..maybe i could be reborn into a family that would let me enjoy my life. i dont know if that is true but i just wonder...hmmmmm....
well here is my paper that i just turned in......
Mom Missing In Action
Childhood is supposed to be a very fun experience. It is believed that you are to enjoy being a kid. It seems like the majority of kids have a fun growing up. It was when I was about eight I realized that wasn’t the case for me. My mom was forcing me to grow up faster than anticipated.
Saturday morning, I always hoped and dreamed that my mom would let me go out and play with my friends. Seven a.m. she leaves to go to work and without asking I am expected to watch my little sister and stay inside all day while she works. I am only eight myself how can I take care of myself and watch my five year old sister? I hardly know how to take care of myself. All I really think about is wanting to play outside.
I just go along with it because I am so young and my mom knows what is best. That is what I thought. Plus what other choice did I have?
So seven am my sister and I are still sleeping and don’t even realize that my mom has left. We wake up shortly after and discover that she is gone. No surprise to us. I am left to make breakfast for us. Burning my hand a few times on the burner. I make macaroni and cheese, it’s not a breakfast food but it was the few things that I knew how to make. I give my sister a plate and she gets mad at me because it isn’t eggs, but honestly I didn’t know how to cook eggs or know how to tell if they were done. I felt terrible how mad my sister was. I yelled back but it was because I didn’t know what to do. She eventually got tired of being Hungary and just ate it.
We argue a few times through out the day. It is so hard for me to put her down for a nap. She is practically just as big as I am when my mom puts her down for a nap there is little struggle for her.
I just don’t see why I am wasting my entire summer watching my sister, playing mom. I love my mom and I want to please her so I just do it anyway with no expectation of receiving anything.
It is finally time for me to relax after a whole morning of fighting with my sister, cleaning up after her, and just taking care of her. It is tough and very tiring to take care of a five year old when I can hardly know how to care of myself. It is like the day to me seems like there is so much to do. I should get it all done before my sister wakes. My mom asked me to do the laundry and make sure the house stays clean. I start some laundry, do all the dishes, vacuumed, clean the bathroom, clean my room and tidy up the living room. Right as I am finishing I hear my sister waking up. “Great!” I think. It is not my sister’s fault and I am not mad at her at all. I just have been going all day. Hardly a second to sit down for myself.
I turn the cartoons on for my sister and make her a cup of milk. It’s a little after noon and she is Hungary so I make roman noodles, something very easy that I know how to make. My sister eats it and I eat whatever she didn’t eat. I clean the dishes up and we finally have a second to watch TV and just sit down. It really was nice!
We continue to argue. One of our arguments was over a blanket. It was my blanket and I just wanted to have it and cover me with. She grabbed it and I let go and she fell into a corner of the coffee table cracking her head open. I immediately felt bad and started to cry. I was so scared that I didn’t know what to do. We don’t have a house phone; I don’t have a cell phone. How am I suppose to call for help? I decide that I need to go to a neighbor’s house for help. Some adult prospective on things.
So many things are running through my head. “Is my sister going to be okay?” “Is she going to live?” “Is my mom going to be mad?” “What should I tell my mom?”
I carry my sister across the street while she holds the back of her head with a towel. I went directly across the street to my friends’ house I knew that her mom was home. She saw me coming across the street already and came out to see what is wrong. She grabs my sister from me and sees the bloody towel. Immediately puts into the car, grabs her daughter and we are on our way to hospital.
Hannah, my friends’ mom, tries calling my mom. She never got a hold of her the whole way to the hospital. I’m in the back seat scared to death. I am shaking and very worried. I’m worried about my sister and im scared about what my mom is going to say to me or how she is going to react.
Hannah finally gets a hold of my mom and finds out that my mom is in Greeley. Two hours away from where we live. We are now at the hospital and in the room. I have been continually crying but trying to hold it in and be strong for my sister.
We find out that the cut isn’t as bad as we thought that it was. They cleaned it up for her and put a butter fly band aid or two on her head. We were released from the hospital and Hannah took us to her house. I tried to make my sister food but Hannah wouldn’t let me. This was weird to me having someone actually want to take care of us.
My sister and I just laid down together and all I wanted to do was hold her and do anything I could for her. I just held her for hours until my mom got home. Then all of a sudden I was so mad at my mom. I was the mom all the time and now that my mom was home she wanted to care. I was mad! Where was she when I needed her to take us to the hospital or make us lunch?
I wouldn’t look or talk to my mom. I was so mad. I wouldn’t let her help my sister at all. I decided, I think from that day on, that I would take care of my sister no matter what and be a better mom than my mom was.
That is the beginning of how I started to grow up too fast. How I lost my childhood.
i just had to write a paper in school. it was soppose to be like a short story and how you have bonded with someone and their relationship with them. and now after writing that i have so much feeling of HATE towards my mom...because of HER i didnt get to enjoy my childhood!!! i was ROBBED!! i HATE her!!!!
i kinda feel like if i died now..maybe i could be reborn into a family that would let me enjoy my life. i dont know if that is true but i just wonder...hmmmmm....
well here is my paper that i just turned in......
Mom Missing In Action
Childhood is supposed to be a very fun experience. It is believed that you are to enjoy being a kid. It seems like the majority of kids have a fun growing up. It was when I was about eight I realized that wasn’t the case for me. My mom was forcing me to grow up faster than anticipated.
Saturday morning, I always hoped and dreamed that my mom would let me go out and play with my friends. Seven a.m. she leaves to go to work and without asking I am expected to watch my little sister and stay inside all day while she works. I am only eight myself how can I take care of myself and watch my five year old sister? I hardly know how to take care of myself. All I really think about is wanting to play outside.
I just go along with it because I am so young and my mom knows what is best. That is what I thought. Plus what other choice did I have?
So seven am my sister and I are still sleeping and don’t even realize that my mom has left. We wake up shortly after and discover that she is gone. No surprise to us. I am left to make breakfast for us. Burning my hand a few times on the burner. I make macaroni and cheese, it’s not a breakfast food but it was the few things that I knew how to make. I give my sister a plate and she gets mad at me because it isn’t eggs, but honestly I didn’t know how to cook eggs or know how to tell if they were done. I felt terrible how mad my sister was. I yelled back but it was because I didn’t know what to do. She eventually got tired of being Hungary and just ate it.
We argue a few times through out the day. It is so hard for me to put her down for a nap. She is practically just as big as I am when my mom puts her down for a nap there is little struggle for her.
I just don’t see why I am wasting my entire summer watching my sister, playing mom. I love my mom and I want to please her so I just do it anyway with no expectation of receiving anything.
It is finally time for me to relax after a whole morning of fighting with my sister, cleaning up after her, and just taking care of her. It is tough and very tiring to take care of a five year old when I can hardly know how to care of myself. It is like the day to me seems like there is so much to do. I should get it all done before my sister wakes. My mom asked me to do the laundry and make sure the house stays clean. I start some laundry, do all the dishes, vacuumed, clean the bathroom, clean my room and tidy up the living room. Right as I am finishing I hear my sister waking up. “Great!” I think. It is not my sister’s fault and I am not mad at her at all. I just have been going all day. Hardly a second to sit down for myself.
I turn the cartoons on for my sister and make her a cup of milk. It’s a little after noon and she is Hungary so I make roman noodles, something very easy that I know how to make. My sister eats it and I eat whatever she didn’t eat. I clean the dishes up and we finally have a second to watch TV and just sit down. It really was nice!
We continue to argue. One of our arguments was over a blanket. It was my blanket and I just wanted to have it and cover me with. She grabbed it and I let go and she fell into a corner of the coffee table cracking her head open. I immediately felt bad and started to cry. I was so scared that I didn’t know what to do. We don’t have a house phone; I don’t have a cell phone. How am I suppose to call for help? I decide that I need to go to a neighbor’s house for help. Some adult prospective on things.
So many things are running through my head. “Is my sister going to be okay?” “Is she going to live?” “Is my mom going to be mad?” “What should I tell my mom?”
I carry my sister across the street while she holds the back of her head with a towel. I went directly across the street to my friends’ house I knew that her mom was home. She saw me coming across the street already and came out to see what is wrong. She grabs my sister from me and sees the bloody towel. Immediately puts into the car, grabs her daughter and we are on our way to hospital.
Hannah, my friends’ mom, tries calling my mom. She never got a hold of her the whole way to the hospital. I’m in the back seat scared to death. I am shaking and very worried. I’m worried about my sister and im scared about what my mom is going to say to me or how she is going to react.
Hannah finally gets a hold of my mom and finds out that my mom is in Greeley. Two hours away from where we live. We are now at the hospital and in the room. I have been continually crying but trying to hold it in and be strong for my sister.
We find out that the cut isn’t as bad as we thought that it was. They cleaned it up for her and put a butter fly band aid or two on her head. We were released from the hospital and Hannah took us to her house. I tried to make my sister food but Hannah wouldn’t let me. This was weird to me having someone actually want to take care of us.
My sister and I just laid down together and all I wanted to do was hold her and do anything I could for her. I just held her for hours until my mom got home. Then all of a sudden I was so mad at my mom. I was the mom all the time and now that my mom was home she wanted to care. I was mad! Where was she when I needed her to take us to the hospital or make us lunch?
I wouldn’t look or talk to my mom. I was so mad. I wouldn’t let her help my sister at all. I decided, I think from that day on, that I would take care of my sister no matter what and be a better mom than my mom was.
That is the beginning of how I started to grow up too fast. How I lost my childhood.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
This weekend....
Aboslutly nothing interesting...
FRIDAY.
School, up late watching movies
SATURDAY.
Movies and babysitting
SUNDAY
Church and walking at the 16th street mall
**o ya and it is raining in denver, weird! but it has for like the last four hours..
FRIDAY.
School, up late watching movies
SATURDAY.
Movies and babysitting
SUNDAY
Church and walking at the 16th street mall
**o ya and it is raining in denver, weird! but it has for like the last four hours..